Healing the Past, part Three

I have a theory about abuse that explains a lot
in very simple means. I have not seen it covered in
books, so I'm unsure if this is something which has
been studied or not.

There is of course a phenomenon of people who suffer
abuse ending up suffering from attacks, traumas, and
more abuse systematically throughout their lives. The
tendency is for abuse survivors to implicate themselves
and believe that they had some sort of hand in the
abuse happening.

(This is a very common theme, causing
guilt and shame not just that this happened to us, but
taking on part or all of the responsibility. Further guilt
and shame are suffered if there was any portion of the
sexual abuse that caused arousal; surely our own minds
and bodies had betrayed us.

Many things account for these feelings of self-flagellation.
*Absorbing blame so that a 'loved one' could be "freed"
of being a bad person in the scenario.
*Refusal of our society to address the issue of children
having sexual capacities from early on (NOT that they are
intended to be used by adults!!!! Don't misunderstand that!)
*Total incomprehensibility of the insanity that has occurred
and a child (or young adult) being limited in intellect or
experience has to make 'sense' of it somehow.
*Whether implied or explicit, the abuser often displaces
responsibility for their own actions either before, during, or
after, and that energy has to go somewhere.
*Having a need to reconcile our lack of ability to even
conceive of fighting back.
...and so on.....

I think that the repetition factor in systematic abuse can be
explained by two rationales, however.

First, just as people who have survived can find one another
in a crowded room, so, too, can abusers find someone who
has already been wounded.

Children (or people, really) who have suffered a soul-draining
experience are affected on a molecular level. Whatever angle
you come at this from; social, emotional, psychological, spiritual,
scientific, mental--it's all the same. There has been a fundamental
shift in that person's psyche and soul as a result of the trauma.
People who wish to abuse another see that as both opportunity
and opening.

The lack of light is an advertisement to the darkness that this
is a 'safe' place to do your dirty, despicable deeds.

Perhaps abusers justify this by saying "I see something
in his/her eyes that seemed to be open to what I was
wanting." Justification and sick misinterpreting of reality.
Society on whole has a sickness when it comes to abusive
behavior; Blame the victim. It is far easier to heap
misfortune and blame on someone we know is 'accustomed'
to taking it (i.e., perhaps not likely to fight back?) and thus
a pattern is born.


Second, with each infraction, the soul is further diminished
until such a point that a survivor may:
- Stops caring about their own well-being,
- Become apathetic to the abuse, becomes desensitized to it,
- Begins to embrace warped thinking as normal; certainly
they don't expect or understand anything else, nothing else is
possible
- Seeks it out as punishment, having falsely believed themselves
to be bad, or damaged, or to blame
- Self-fulfilling prophecy kicks in, and the prior abuse affects
thinking and esteem and attitudes which then draw the type
of people who will take advantage of it, and the cycle continues.
(and many more possibilities.)

But there is a widespread pattern of recurring abuse,
repetitious patterns, systematic abuse..whatever you wish to call it.
Energy pushes in the same direction until we intercede. Like
attracts like. So, until we restructure our feelings and thoughts and
ideas about what kind of person we are and what we deserve,
it is highly likely that we will continue to attract unsavory people
throughout our lifetimes.

Even when we stop the abusive relationships, we continue with
self-abuse, however.