Healing the Past, part One

Those of us who have suffered from abuse can find
one another easily in this old world. We share a sixth
sense regarding fellow survivors; we are drawn to each
others' pain.

We can sense the kinship of a fellow survivor.

I think there is nothing more beautiful or sacred than
two wounded people being able to help one another
because they share a common bond that another just
cannot relate to or understand, no matter how hard they
try. We have a shorthand that transcends words.
Our souls are related.

Other people wish to know such dubious things like;
"What kind of abuse did you suffer?" or
"Was it your parents?" or
"How bad could it have been? You seem all right to me?"

So we have learned to stick to the shadows, neither
expecting nor demanding much from the public or the
'uninitiated' in this regard. Mostly, we have learned to do
for ourselves--for good or for bad--and not have a need
of other people. It may have long been our experience
that to need another person always ends badly. Always.

I am not one who feels the need to delineate between
'levels' of abuse; I will not feel the need to 'trump' your
daily 'slap-in-the-face' with my reveal of systematic
sexual infringement. It is not a contest: hurt is hurt, and
we all are unique in how deeply we are affected. There is
no need to justify our woundedness.

In this era of talk shows that have eroded the lines of public
decency and taste, it is nothing to turn on the TV and see
people blurting out specifics of their troubled past in the
midst of a screaming match on national television. Don't
misunderstand; I am all about transparency...in the right
time and place. Not every bit of information is meant for
every person, and having everyone know our particulars
serves no ongoing purpose.

We may have so much animosity that a dramatic cathartic
purge seems just what the doctor ordered. But all actions
have consequences, and there may come a time when we
wish that not everyone and their brother were privy to such
intimate details. But, definitely, we do need to talk.

Finding the right people who will truly listen, who will not
judge, who will not interpret, and who do not wish to engage
in further abusive behavior as a means of 'overcoming' the
past are all important factors. We can bring up every bit of
hurt and fear each time we share the past with someone, and
we need to be particular about who we open up to.

This can be tricky when your discernment skills have been
tainted and hindered. When your judgment is spotty and faith
in self is low. But there is always hope.

....continued.......