Saturday, October 29, 2011
The anger just consumes me like a demon, and that's fitting..
it is a demon.
A snake that strikes at the heel and feeds venom. And I
was given some good advice once; When you see the snake,
you kill it...you kill it dead. Don't wait for it to strike and then
act surprised.Same for second chances; once a snake bites you and reveals
they are one, it never changes. If you let them in, they will bite
you again. It's what snakes do.
And people, snakes, demons...they don't change.
If it's a choice between me and someone else, I fucking
guarantee you that I will be left standing.
In the case of anger though, it's the thing that dwells in you
long after the other is done. Shitty people don't care about
the harm they cause. They don't care about anyone or
any thing but self. They break hearts and ruin worlds and
trod on disinterested.
They aren't kept awake by troubled conscience.
They don't feel guilt and shame.
They don't feel connected or obligated to other living things.
I can't fight the entire world; popular people are popular
because they have found an 'in' with others and they can
twist them to their will. The biggest liar, if charming enough,
can have everyone eating out of their hands. I can't educate
So, I don't want to have my mind on a loser asshole.
I don't want to be obsessed about things I can't change.
I don't want to waste energy on people who don't appreciate
or have souls.
I don't want to hurt because of evil things said by meaningless
snakes and demons.
I don't want to be distracted from what I want to do by the
misdeeds of others.
So, I am making a decision. I'm giving it up. Giving it back.
Not playing the Game any more. Not inviting the Snake in.
It--the memories, the feelings, the angst, the bullshit, the
anger--it's all as useless as belly button lint. And I sure as
hell wouldn't hang on to that, so I'm giving it up (as if) for
lint. (Yes, it was a play on words. I can spell.)
I don't understand, and I have to accept that.
Some things just aren't meant to be understood, and people
certainly fall under that category, especially those under the
influence of demon possession and snake totems.
Sociopaths will charm and lie and connive and manipulate
and use the souls of whole people to try and sway them.
They will take advantage of every thing possible. There is
no reconciling that.
Get away. get far the fuck away....and at least metaphorically,
Kill the beast.
I disallow you power over any aspect of my life.
I know you for the Shit you are, and I dispose of you.
But I don't foolishly forget, and I don't forgive because that's
passive victimhood. I purge you, whole, from my system.
Not worth a thought. Not worth a word.
Not worth a second of my time.
Now, I'm only mad at myself; What took me so long?
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
There's nothing about me that says
"Please Use and Abuse Me", or
"Tread on Me",
not any longer,
not one little bit.
The Nice Guy has departed;
Naivete and pandering are not
in my lexicon any further.
I don't apologize for living.
I will not sit in the back of the bus,
I will not listen to ridiculous prattling horseshit,
I won't misname a spade just to appease you.
I'm here to be Me, not a mini-You.
Your approval and acceptance and amelioration
is of Zero Concern to me.
The fact that others are hurting, too,
is great for philosophizing,
but it doesn't necessitate me taking a backseat.
"Step back--heart attack--
Stone cold sober, as a matter of fact--
The bitch is back."
No more slack.
I ain't taking flak.