Saturday, March 30, 2013

"Rock Me Gently...Rock Me Slowly..."

"Rock Me Sexy Jesus"
lyrics by The Ralph Sall Experience
(from the movie "Hamlet 2")

He's totally the man

The man with the plan

He traveled through time

In an awesome custom van


He taught us to be good

How to set our souls free

And do all the shit we should

Now we do the right deeds

We go to church and such

And we stopped smoking weed

Well at least not as much

And we can't forget to mention,

The golden rule

Do unto others as you would have them...

Slam bam, spank you ma'am

[singing begins]

Do unto you!

Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus

He died for our sins

You gotta believe us

Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus

All night long

Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus

We're really amazed

You gotta believe us

Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus

All night long

He lays down science,
it really blows my mind
But he's also got abs
that transcend space and time

He's the son of God
and I think that's cool

But he's got swimmer's bod
 like nobody do


The Immaculate Conception
really makes my day
But the dude's got lats
that make me feel gay

"Turn the other cheek"
is really showing class

But I really think it's sexy
when he kicks Satan's ass

Kicks Satan's ass!

Kicks Satan's ass!

Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus
He died for our sins

You gotta believe us

Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus

All night long

Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus

We're really amazed

You gotta believe us

Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus

All night long

Oooooo, oooooo,

ooooo, ooooooo

Ahhh, Ahhhh,

Jesus, H. Christ!

His zen zing zang is gonna appease us
Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus

His holiest of ways

Ain't never gonna leave us

Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus

All night long


Lyrics compiled by


Friday, March 29, 2013

Not Really Attuned

Happy Easter from The NRA,
where one fiction (Our Lord)
meets another
(Our Crazy version of Him!)

Fake Jesus wants you to have a gun-toting,
fanaticism-invoking testimonial of a
hardcore weekend!

Yours in a deluded version of a
non-existent character--the whackadoodle
fundamentalist extremist right-wing
crusaders-of-nothingness white-supremacist
troglodytic ragers and xenophobes!

"Love Jesus--
and Hate everyone else!"


Thursday, March 21, 2013

Pedophile Myths: Addressing Stupidity as a Social Norm

Everyone gives lip service to being 'concerned' about pedophiles.
It's the social equivalent of being 'opposed to war' or 'being glad
no one got hurt in the tornado.'

But the way people think about child rapists and child abusers
is stilted and way off track.

The average person (especially due in part to Fox News and
churches) believe most pedophiles to be homosexual, and of
course believes that most (if not all) homosexuals are actually

But even when molestation is same-sex based, it has little to do
with orientation. Seeing children as sexualized objects, or seeing
them as capable of consenting to such behavior, is a pathological
disorder. A sickness of mind and spirit. It is in no way connected
to homosexuality or heterosexuality.

Actions of abuse are about abuse; lust, frustration, rage, possession.
They denigrate the object of desire, even as the perpetrator 
reconciles the incident as 'loving' and 'consensual,' or beneficial
to the child in some way. 

What'cha covering for, Bill? Secrets,
or stupidity?
(More precisely, homosexuality is not a pathological disorder;
and even hundreds of years of churches' hateful rhetoric and
indoctrination cannot change that. This is supposedly no longer
the Dark Ages, but many people's minds are dealing with the
information that was disproven and outdated long ago.)

But because people see homosexuality as an illness, they easily
make the jump that--as bad as they have been erroneously taught
about the nature of homosexuals is--surely child rape must be in
our wheel house.

Well, here's a newsflash. Homosexuals are attracted to adults
just like heterosexuals are attracted to adults. Those that are
sick are sick; they are not reflective on every other homosexual
on the planet, just as no thinking person would attribute one or
two black men's actions to every other black man on the planet,
nor the actions of a few women to every other woman on the planet,
and so on.

(And if Boy Scouts of America is such an upstanding organization, why
did they feel compelled to cover up over 500 cases of child sexual abuse,
refusing to report the incidents to police over two decades? **

Were they looking out for their members, or were they keeping secrets for
powerful married members of the community, helping keep their group
and funding intact, and doing their best Catholic-style face saving?)

Character is individual; we all are to be judged solely on our
independent actions and honor, not on surmised prejudices.

And it isn't openly gay people who are the threat to anything!
(Hence the ridiculousness of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, or the Boy
Scouts ban on (openly) gay scouts and masters, or DOMA, etc.

Those of us who are content and free with who we are not the
ones who typically do wrong to others. It's the duplicitous
'upstanding citizen and 'pillar-of-the-community' who's hiding
secrets and living a double life you need to be worried about.
All those 'too good to be true,' obsessed with public appearances,
religiously-obsessed, goofy sumbitches who are the real threat.

The ones who have manufactured their entire lives to appear
to be everything people want them to be, for the express purpose
of drawing in victims, taking advantage of them, making them
question themselves, threatening them with the perpetrator's
ability to make things difficult for them, and who dispute a
victim's credibility if caught (since no one in the town wants to
believe the truth behind their 'perfect neighbor/congregant/father.'

It's not the devil (stereotype, mythologized, bogeyman, etc.)
that you think you know that is the problem. It's the devil that
made you ignore them; usually the same ones who rally the troops
to crucify us self-loving gays and lesbians.


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Refreshed and Ready!

The CPAP is over y'all; the failing GOP party was resuscitated,
saved in its last dying breaths.

The CPAP--huh? Oh...excuse me...the bad.

(Though the other did make more sense.)
Anywho, we got us some new resolutions to trick votes outta folks.

We will prove to you that we are the party willing to do a complete
reversal on all our beliefs in order to stay in power!

Conviction? Fuck a conviction!

What do you want us to say and do to win you over? No, really--
tell us! Because we damned well can't figure it out and come to a

We got an unbridled, nuclear-threat level of crazy with no place to
go. Like the Catholic church, we're awaiting a reinvention....some
rehabilitation...hell, even a resurrection.

('s probably best for most of us that we don't wish too
hard for that last one. Y'never know where we might end up.)

But in the meantime, send us some new groups to hate on so
we can keep our momentum going.

We may be changing our facade, but let's not get outta control;
pure evil doesn't roll up and go away. It just gets a touch-up.

We'll be destroying lives with self-aggrandizing bullshit again
before you know it.


Wednesday, March 13, 2013

We Know Where That White Smoke's Being Blown

Within their giant exclusionary men's club,
a makeshift womb of protection
(the closest many will get to a Vag,)
the Cardinals of the Catholic church remained
safely and privately stashed away this week.

Hiding behind the decadence and ridiculous
opulence, away from the dreary real world,
they secretly planned their P.R. work on
their sick and dying cult.

No group of people could be more out of touch,
yet self-righteously anointing themselves and
believing preposterously that they are in any
way connected to divinity.

Why exactly is it that Vatican City needs to
be its own country, with sovereignty and self-
governing laws? Hmmmnn...maybe so they can
overlook all their crimes and misdeeds?
So they can protect one another from

It's all just more of that smoke screen
they're so good at putting up; must be
another one of their addictions.


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Incomplete Thoughts

The only fence around a neighbor that truly works.

Frost was no hack, but the phrase
"Good fences make good neighbors." doesn't
quite cut it.

After all, even the best fences aren't
sound proof, smell proof, nor fully capable
of blocking the sight of unsavory, selfish,
nasty pieces of work.

They also aren't so great a defense against
explosions caused from unkempt meth labs.

Just saying.

(The fence I want around my dwelling
is a thousand miles of water surrounding
my private island.)


Monday, March 4, 2013

Countdown to Con-troversy

Yeah....about that....uh,
 Not really.

You may have heard some of the more
rabid and knuckle-dragging of your
Limbaugh-obsessed or Fox-viewing
compadres talking of an impending
impeachment of our inarguably most popular
and well-received President in some years.

It's nonsense.

The 'news' (whether a lampoon to
intentionally draw controversy and readers
or outright bad reporting,) originated in
the Weekly World News, which specializes do I put this delicately....
super trashed out bullshit.

Which, ya know, is along the same lines as Fox
News' credibility, so I imagine all their goofballs
have taken it on as a mantra "Come on March 11,
Come on March 11!" (the supposed beginning
date for Congress' fake Impeachment hearings.)

Don't get me wrong; I know there are a ton of morons
who are looking for a crisis, who are freaked out
about a black guy running the country, who
are just plain hatin' like there's no tomorrow.
And it would be their wet dream come true for this
to be a reality, but, SNAP!
Y'all got played... and then some!

Why don't they start investing energy in making this country
better, and stop demonizing our President?
Well, because they just aren't smart enough
to figure that out, naturally.

That Bandwagon-of-Stupid is just so enticing!


Short and Sweet

"Who gives a fuck?"
is the most perfect,
effective, succinct 
battle cry and life outlook.

Why else would
the uppity crust
hate it so?


Friday, March 1, 2013

Shock Follows Shock

This sequester nonsense is big news.

The Republicans--none of whom will be adversely
affected by job cuts or loss of services with their
life of privilege firmly in place--have no worry
over what happens to the rest of us.

Their beloved rich puppet-masters are being
protected at all costs, and that's their true job...
certainly not the job they were hired for and swore
to uphold, but what's to be done about it?

They know there is no way for them to be held
accountable, short of bloody revolution.
They sure seem intent on bringing that about.

Yes, spending cuts are needed.
Let's start with a freeze on Congress' paychecks.
Yes, budgeting is required.
Lets' eliminate the last 3 pay raises they gave themselves, too.
All true--and still not the deciding issue.

Republicans are owned lock, stock and barrel by the
elite and special interest groups. They will not
make a move for two reasons;
They won't betray their real masters,
and they will not be seen 'giving in' to the President.

Sounds like a great rational for allowing this
country to be torn apart.

Do your jobs, you ignorant, vain bastards.

And let's start an investigation into Congress' private accounts
since they obviously aren't living off of the American people's salary.