Wednesday, February 23, 2011

"Silly Faggot" THROB

What is it about straight boys and stupid posturing?


Even left-wing, non-religious, ultra-liberal, laid-back, broad-minded, Metrosexual types

all break down to the "Silly Faggot" level of response

when faced with homosexuality in a personal venue.

Did you feel threatened? I don't understand why; I made it clear I wasn't angling for you.

Betrayed? Understandable; I kept something from you.

But the anger...the dismissal....the criticism; it came from somewhere deep and guttural.

A primal rage finally released from captivity after countless P.C. suppressions?

Obviously, the level of judgment reflects something built up over time;

subconscious disgust and discomfort, perhaps?

Do you feel better now, at least, after getting it off your chest?

Is there a sense of persecution and paranoia that accompanies your presumptuousness?

Or was it merely a passing notion, similar to our friendship?

It all works THROB

In a few short hours, all that I had believed
from ten months time
came crashing down as false
upon my dense yet fragile skull.

Were you a deft deceiver?
Or I the gullible fool?
All the heart, compassion, and love
seems yanked right out of you.

I can understand a shock--
seems I caught you quite off-guard;
Confusion derails the best of us
but your assault seems fairly harsh.

I'd glimpsed Angry words and diatribes,
criticisms, moods changing on a dime,
judgmentalness is part of us all,
even in the best of times.

I had overlooked any signs of this
potential side of yours,
in favor of the brighter, kinder, gentler
version that typically shone through.

Accusations and cruelty blew my mind,
I really had no clue,
since your self-promoted tolerance
I'd accepted as being true.

That's the part I played in the mess,
in addition to my 'ruse,'
I was foolish, naive, trusting;
I should've seen right through.

Maybe the Holy Rollers are

the perfect group for you. Happy Trails.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

When I actually look.....

Suddenly I looked around--and within-- to
see that I had, in defensiveness, judged too

Of course the behavior I had allowed to provoke
me was not correct. But as I stopped to notice
what must be behind all the criticism, the need
to have the approval of others at all costs, the
unconscious seeking of conflict and confrontation....
it became clear only a pained mind and spirit
would drive such a person.

As I saw past my own pain and story, I found
I could have compassion that other people have
their own pain and story, often with the same
less than stellar outer representations in their
current life. "Don't believe the hype."

All the things we consider 'character defects' in
others, are not ours to evaluate. Don't I give a
free pass for my own issues knowing the hurt and
cause behind it? Don't I imagine others should
cut me slack for the things I have endured?
Why, then, can I not apply the same to another?

I get caught in the immediacy of being annoyed by
bossiness, or offended by attempts to control...
I scoff at easily wounded hypersensitivity, and
shake my head about the constant striving for
popularity. I shrug a superior nod at the notion of
how easily traceable the roots of OCD and
devotion to image. But who am I to judge?

There's a real and hurting soul behind every
facade and every label; a story behind every
human face.

I need not allow myself hurt or drawn into the
web of someone else's patterns any longer, but
I can withdraw in a loving way. I need not guard
myself with a hard hand or cold heart.

Let's stop the cycle of contempt, here and now.