Saturday, October 27, 2012

Key & Peele: "I Sunk Your Battleship, Bitch!"

The guys continue to hit them out of the park!

Even if you're familiar with the scathing and hilarious "Key & Peele" sketch

comedy show, this is one you can watch over and over for a good belly laugh!

Take it away, fellas.


Friday, October 26, 2012

Stick with What Ya Know

I'm thinking I'll go as Frankenstein's Monster
for Halloween this year,
since there's barely any prep work involved.

I'm sullen and dark,
I have a big-ass forehead you can
show a movie on,
my body is precariously pieced together
and definitely doesn't match up,
due to back and hip problems
I stumble more than I walk,
everyone steers clear of me
due to projections and misunderstandings,
and due to this bronchial
'walking crud' I've had for the last month,
I sound like ol' 'Frankie' here--
every time I breathe I clear my throat like
a professional librarian.

"Urrrghhh! Aheckkk! Ughhhngh!"

Hey, play to your strengths!
First rule of the stage.


Thursday, October 25, 2012

Redneck Strategy

"Shore 'nuff;
If I jus' keep
smiling and charming
the whole time
I'm lying through my teefs
and talking shit,
it makes you
as stupid as I am!
Damn I'm smooth!


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A Note of 'Thanks' to the Log Cabin Republicans

The innate beauty of a repressed, self-hating homo;
the incomparable Roy Cohn

A Big and Hearty "Thanks...for Nuthin'"
to the joke-of-all-jokes, the Queer Republicans.

Followed by a healthy
"Go Fuck Yourselves!"
Because, seriously, no one else

had better be having sex with your worthless asses.

That's right; No more Dick for you.

Not an issue, I suppose, since
your heads are so far up your collective asses
that there's no possibility of fucking or sucking, anyway.

Too bad there's not an award for most embarrassing,
pandering, wrong-minded, self-destructive
nutty behavior.
At least then you'd have something to show for your actions.

LCR's Executive Director; What the fuck is he so happy about?


The Donald. Oy Vey...Again?

Well, you really can't tell people with more money
than sense to stop embarrassing themselves, so....
might as well go along for the ride.


12:00 Noon:
Donald: (intermittent whining, whimpering, and mewling)

12:01 p.m.
Donald: "Uh, all know why I have called you here
today....because I am hungry for attention and out of
my god damned mind."

12:02 p.m.
Donald: "I hereby accuse President Obama of being
someone I will go to any lengths to discredit,
including inventing bullshit and making mountains
out of mole hills."

12:03 p.m.
Donald: " can I make it about ME? me, me, me, me,
I'm just so darned angry I won't be ruling the nation!
But at least I want to have someone in there looking
out for billionnaires, dammit."

12:04 p.m.
Crowd: "Who gives a fuck, you washed up cunt?
Why don't you get a life, you screwball?"

Yeah, I think that about sums it up.


Monday, October 22, 2012

Short and Sweet

It's not "Rebel Without a Clue"
nor "Rebellion without Just Due"

It's Recognition of How Far Wrong
the Ship has Sailed all along.

Take this simple phrase your way
and you'll be prepped, come what may:

"Fuck you, fuck them,
fuck one, fuck all,
fuck them hard and fast,
right up against the wall.
Fuck off, fuck on,
fuck night, fuck day,
with pencil dick, donkey dick,
one ball, or none.
Do whatever it takes
to fuck a fucker,
they're not hard to find
there's always one sneaking
up from behind.
Call a spade a spade
and stand up to the shit,
or come sooner or later,
you'll have no dick
to fuck with."


Saturday, October 6, 2012

Calling it Like I Smell 'em

I might as well carry this sign around,
full fucking time.

Seems like all I have surrounding me are bitches,
cons, liars, Can't-Understand-Nothing-Trolls, and selfish
 assholes...and brother, I am sick of it!


Looks like Madge has the right idea there
with a little Fall cleaning!

"Crazy, begone! I gots my own shit
sandwich to finish devouring!
Don't need yours, too!"