The Old Grey Mare

I don't want to feel this way any more

I want an end to fear

and worry

and judgment

and physical pain

and lack of connection

and inadequacy

and criticism

and lack of acknowledgment

Always lacking

I am steeped in egotism

and worthlessness,

simultaneously

My world collapses

upon one morning of

absent phone messages

and lonely self-obsession

and empty e-mail accounts

I push away and fear connection

while damning the lack thereof

I desire intimacy yet follow

where no bread crumbs lead.