Key & Peele: "I Sunk Your Battleship, Bitch!"

The guys continue to hit them out of the park!

Even if you're familiar with the scathing and hilarious "Key & Peele" sketch
comedy show, this is one you can watch over and over for a good belly laugh!

Take it away, fellas.

***********************************************

Stick with What Ya Know

I'm thinking I'll go as Frankenstein's Monster

for Halloween this year,

since there's barely any prep work involved.

I'm sullen and dark,

I have a big-ass forehead you can

show a movie on,

my body is precariously pieced together

and definitely doesn't match up,

due to back and hip problems

I stumble more than I walk,

everyone steers clear of me

due to projections and misunderstandings,

and due to this bronchial

'walking crud' I've had for the last month,

I sound like ol' 'Frankie' here--

every time I breathe I clear my throat like

a professional librarian.

"Urrrghhh! Aheckkk! Ughhhngh!"

Hey, play to your strengths!
First rule of the stage.

***

Redneck Strategy

"Shore 'nuff;

If I jus' keep

smiling and charming

the whole time

I'm lying through my teefs

and talking shit,

it makes you

as stupid as I am!

Damn I'm smooth!

Hee-yuck...Suckers!"

***

A Note of 'Thanks' to the Log Cabin Republicans

The innate beauty of a repressed, self-hating homo;
the incomparable Roy Cohn


A Big and Hearty "Thanks...for Nuthin'"
to the joke-of-all-jokes, the Queer Republicans.

Followed by a healthy
"Go Fuck Yourselves!"
Because, seriously, no one else
had better be having sex with your worthless asses.


That's right; No more Dick for you.

Not an issue, I suppose, since
your heads are so far up your collective asses
that there's no possibility of fucking or sucking, anyway.

Too bad there's not an award for most embarrassing,
pandering, wrong-minded, self-destructive
nutty behavior.
At least then you'd have something to show for your actions.

LCR's Executive Director; What the fuck is he so happy about?

***

The Donald. Oy Vey...Again?

Well, you really can't tell people with more money

than sense to stop embarrassing themselves, so....

might as well go along for the ride.

PRESS CONFERENCE TRANSCRIPT:

12:00 Noon:

Donald: (intermittent whining, whimpering, and mewling)

12:01 p.m.

Donald: "Uh, well...you all know why I have called you here

today....because I am hungry for attention and out of

my god damned mind."

12:02 p.m.

Donald: "I hereby accuse President Obama of being

someone I will go to any lengths to discredit,

including inventing bullshit and making mountains

out of mole hills."

12:03 p.m.

Donald: "But...but...how can I make it about ME? me, me, me, me,

MEEEE!

I'm just so darned angry I won't be ruling the nation!

But at least I want to have someone in there looking

out for billionnaires, dammit."

12:04 p.m.

Crowd: "Who gives a fuck, you washed up cunt?

Why don't you get a life, you screwball?"

Yeah, I think that about sums it up.

***

Short and Sweet

It's not "Rebel Without a Clue"

nor "Rebellion without Just Due"

It's Recognition of How Far Wrong

the Ship has Sailed all along.

Take this simple phrase your way

and you'll be prepped, come what may:

"Fuck you, fuck them,

fuck one, fuck all,

fuck them hard and fast,

right up against the wall.

Fuck off, fuck on,

fuck night, fuck day,

with pencil dick, donkey dick,

one ball, or none.

Do whatever it takes

to fuck a fucker,

they're not hard to find

there's always one sneaking

up from behind.

Call a spade a spade

and stand up to the shit,

or come sooner or later,

you'll have no dick

to fuck with."

***

Calling it Like I Smell 'em

I might as well carry this sign around,

full fucking time.

Seems like all I have surrounding me are bitches,

cons, liars, Can't-Understand-Nothing-Trolls, and selfish

 assholes...and brother, I am sick of it!

PURGE

!!>

Looks like Madge has the right idea there

with a little Fall cleaning!

"Crazy, begone! I gots my own shit

sandwich to finish devouring!

Don't need yours, too!"

***