Shitty Southerners

Redneck BBQ "Show-and-Tell";

"And then, what happened next was...."

Initially, I was taken by the idea that it was an "old people"
thang. Then I moved on to imagine it was particular to
"sick people." But as I live and learn, I now see it seems
to be (yet another) "Southern thang."

The art of talking shit. No, not 'reality' show pomp-and-
circumstance; the literal artless form of talking about one's
bowels and their private goings on.

Not for the feint of heart; beware of anyone who starts
out a conversation with great trepidation and angst and
the words "I was having trouble for days, cramped up,
constipated,...and then...."

No. No "and then." The constipation was more than I
needed to know. There is no formal invitation--implied
or otherwise-- to discuss scatological endeavors simply
because I say 'hello' to you, or, merciful mythology, ask
you 'How have you been?'  Keep that shit to yourself.

What is wrong with people? Why is it beyond them that
"my stomach's been bothering me" is sufficient? Even that
falls under the heading of personal, innermost, private,
innard-most dwellings and dealings. I don't want to know
that much about someone I am sleeping with, let alone
a stranger or an acquaintance at the grocery store.

Whatever happened to decorum? The impact of such
open-ended conversations should be clear, not at all cloudy
or hard to grasp; if you don't know better, try paying attention
to the look of horror that crosses people's faces when you
start in on a ten-minute diatribe about your asshole's innermost
workings. It's an eye-opener.

There's no Tarrantino-esque narration needed about your
porcelain time. No one wants to know a blast-by-blast analysis
of how you destroyed your bathroom. And I guarantee you
that the examination of the deployment is NOT appropriate
unless you are dealing with a medical professional....during an
appointment....upon specific inquiry. And even then there's a
time limit on the poetic rumblings.

It's probably a bit of the redneck ideology that "causing a
commotion or being disturbing is funny" involved in all of
this. But ignorance and poor taste runs a close second, in terms
of readily found traits, so who's gonna do the study to
differentiate?

Please. I beg you. Some things should be kept deep inside.

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