Disrepect is NOT on the menu

I went off on someone in public this week.

Normally, that only serves to make me feel bad 

about my lack of self-control, or for allowing a

nobody to alter my emotions. On this particular

week's 'Hump Day' however, I felt good about

humping back.

The local Hardee's Restaurant is not known for

much in the way of customer service. This is a 

small, poor town with dying businesses and not

much going for it. Like thousands of similar towns 

in America, it's filled with people who aren't ever

going to have a better life than they have right now--

and who are aware of that fact.

It doesn't exactly inspire superb attitudes--and even 

if it did, minimum wage, monotony, lack of benefits,

and living in the middle of constant racism would

take care of finishing off any enthusiasm.

But what happened Wednesday, July 25th, 2018

at this franchised, greasy, fast-food-hole in the 

middle of Donalsonville, Georgia's main highway

was neither strange for this business, new from

the individual in question, or unique to the current

customer service trend of "Who gives a shit?"

What's truly telling is that EVERYwhere I went

that day, and everyONE I have told in the days

since, one common theme ties my sharing of

the incident: I didn't even have to say the name 

of the person in question who treated me poorly--

she was known to everyone by the described

bad acts.

This tells us several things. First, the problem

with this specific person's bad attitude is 

persistent and well-known. It is considered a

staple--a feature, if you will--of this Hardee's

restaurant. (Owned and operated by the town's

mayor, Dan Ponder, by the way. Well, 'Ponder

Enterprises, Inc.')

Second, the casual way in which people shake

their head in muted disbelief shows how

accustomed we are to overlooking problematic 

customer service. It's just part of our expected

experience when we enter any kind of business

in this day and age. We've stopped even bothering

with reporting it or being shocked by it.

Third, the lack of concern by management or 

owner for the treatment of their customer base

says everything needed to understand that 

they have no respect for the people or their money.

(Okay that's not true--They do love them some

green. But they don't care how they get it!)

I, too, have essentially Given Up when it comes

to the hopeless nature of the disappeared art of

customer service. Everywhere you go, it's people

not making eye contact with you, grunting at you rather 

than speaking, talking on the phone while they 'deal'

with you, talking to their coworkers, airing personal

problems, acting like helping you is torture,

and so on and so on....

It's disgusting and unacceptable, but what are

we to do when it's our new normal? And I don't 

want to enter into conflict just to be heard. And 

for people like me, in a small town with limited

choices, if you start boycotting horribly run

businesses you WILL run out of places to shop!

("Keep your money local!" my ass.)

I used to take the high road of ignoring the Bad 

and simply complementing the Good. I would

write courteous letters to managers and owners so 

they could course-correct with their hiring.

But no one cares any more--Not one. single. BIT!

No matter. Despite the pervasiveness of poor

service, it is NOT acceptable. With everything

going on in the world, can we not at LEAST use 

the whole 15 seconds of time it takes to make 

one another feel welcome, respected? As human

beings, can we not at least put THAT much effort 

into it?

Forget that y'all are not on a reality show and 

don't need to be mugging for the cameras with

your nasty glares and chicken-necking. Forget 

that you are being paid a wage to actually speak

to the people coming in to the store--nicely. Forget 

that your life is in shambles and you hate your

drama, because I guarantee you I am NOT the one

who pissed in your oatmeal nor have I shot your

MeeMaw, so get over it.

Because I am the flip side of that coin.

I am the one who is sick and damn tired of being

disrespected by people all the damn time.

I am sick of southerners thinking they're 'justified'

in owning their attitude-filled disdain 

and personal 'issue' with my skin color, my

heritage, my sexuality, my voice, my weight, my

politics, my extracurriculars, my attire, etc.

It's now common practice to perform a negative eval

in order to inform what level of disrespect people

will show customers. 'Mistreatment' is in vogue.

Some will think "Get over it--Not a big deal."

Disrespect is a huge deal. 

Our country is falling apart due in large part 

to an epidemic of it, and it's likely only going to

worsen. No, I can't change how people act.

I can't effectively change anything at every

place I go where people mistreat me.

But I am done with fake-smiling and 

pushing down the normal response of upset

when someone who's about to take my money

thinks I need to get a ration of bullshit on the side.

 Save that drama for when you're on your knees 

at night in prayer.

I'm speaking my mind--calmly.

I'm walking out.

I'm not returning.

I'm telling everyone I know.

I'm writing bad reviews.

I will at least be heard, regardless of 

whether or not it changes anything,

because enough is enough.

And in time, other folks will be joining

the campaign to stop stomaching 

nasty employees. When they do?

Businesses won't know what hit them.

***

Beast of Burden

We can understand in our heads that something is not
healthy for us, and still desire it as deeply as ever in our hearts.

What is the appeal of something forbidden long after we
intrinsically know the downfall awaiting us if we
should indulge.

The charms and wiles of an old Achilles heel are like siren call
to our newly bolstered ship of safety.
Is it self destruction?
Is it refusal to value ourselves?
Do we need the excitement of playing the odds in our otherwise
boring lives?
Does distance from lessons hard fought lessen the impact of
our convictions?
Are we so easily plied, so distrusting of self?
Maybe we want to ride the edge and feel the pull; test ourselves?

Head and heart in conflict...
distracted from the reality of necessary decisions....
enamored of beautiful lies and flawed promises....
The question is becoming clearer;
Is the draw of the subtle hope greater than that of
the seductive despair?

Time will tell.

Drowning in the Tides of Life

Things are rough all over.

People who never had any frame of reference for personal
suffering or worry are now in the same boat as people
long-imagined to be wholly responsible for their own problems.

And still, despite the shared tragedies of refused medical care,
foreclosures, job losses, personal shame, and fear... we front.

We still worry over keeping up appearances.
We don't want anyone--including friends and family-- to hear our
cries for help. To know just how scared and vulnerable we are.

Instead, we smile and tell 'white lies' to cover for our misfortune
and hardship. We isolate to keep from being too close to anyone
(ironically, the one thing that might assist.) We do like we were
taught in this 'proper' country; we keep our personal problems to
ourselves.

To some extent, there is reason to not complain. To not be in a constant
state of despair and share our misery with others. After all, most
people don't want to hear about another's problems. Like a friend tells
me constantly: "Everybody got troubles; we just might not know what 
they are. But everybody got troubles."

True enough.

And last Friday night, after having sought and been denied help from
people in his community, a still-young man lashed out in the depths of
ultimate desperation. A Blakely, Georgia man shot and killed his wife
and son, attempted to kill his daughter, and turned the gun 'successfully'
on himself.

People blame the man for being a coward. For being cruel. For being
weak. For being crazy. But the real truth is that he could have been any
one of us, reeling in despair and desperation, at wit's end. Anyone could
have picked up that gun with just the right combination of leveling
disappointments and blows; that truth is why we are so angry. We are
scared that humans, including ourselves, are capable of the same.

Why didn't people notice something going on? Were they too busy
facing their own turmoils?

Why did others who were asked to help turn a blind eye? Is it because
they didn't feel the situation was bad enough?

How long will the short-lived attention to those around us last? How
long til our 'community awareness' spurred by this tragedy cedes to our
typical apathy?

Why is it necessary to demonize the man who was hurting so badly that
he could see no other solution than such a horror?

Several things come to mind.

If we don't discard the man as a crackpot, we allow the possibility that
this behavior is possible for 'normal' people, and could occur to us or
someone even closer. (Also, if we have experienced such dire fantasies,
the actualization scares us immensely. Could that be me, still?)

If it's someone we know, we have to distance ourselves from them
and our relatablity lest we feel condemned to their stigma. How could
they leave such hurt? How could they betray trust? How could they
have been so insensitive. And of course, the guilt; that if we admit
someone likely didn't just "snap" in a fit, then it means these thoughts were
simmering, and we feel we should have known and acted.

People's view of humanity, god, spirituality, and even life itself are
thrown into turmoil if we look too deeply or closely at such events.
How can there be purpose in this, if we believe in a universe where
all events are ordained? How can such a thing occur to 'good' people?
How can we, as self-identified 'good' people, have been subjected to
something so horrendous if our actions are supposed to ensure we are
cared for?

If people don't simplify such events and actions, it destroys the simplified
'black-and-white' world many live in. It opens up a Pandora's Box of
chaos and pain that is too much for most minds to conceive of. So we
gloss it over.

But what do the surviving do? How do we learn from this?

Those of us still posturing and pretending and playing the game...acting
as though death would not be a welcome release in the midst of hardships
and seemingly insurmountable odds. Everyone has passive thoughts of
suicide during bad times; "I wish God would just take me now." or "I'm
so tired of life."  But many of us, whether dealing with long-tern or newly
acquired depression have serious, active suicidal thoughts. Specific plans.
Details. Time lines.

What would make us seek help? How would others react? Is there any
help available if we should seek it?

Most people seriously considering taking their own life do so because
all other accessible or viable venues are thought to have been explored.
So death seems like a reasonable, legitimate response to the relentless
pain of life. We want the pain to end, and we equate being alive with pain,
so logically we think the end of life would be the end of death.

It seems no one cares. Event after event seems to reinforce that belief.
Every interaction with humans is more and more fuel for the fire. What's
the point in trying if the results are always the same?

Depression is not just circumstantial, it's biochemical. It's a physical
brain problem that creates emotional problems. Our thinking gets
aggravated by events, like break-ups, being shunned, embarrassing
moments, being without work, losing 'standing' in a community,
money problems, and so much more. But it's the over-exaggerated
sense of importance of these things that causes them to become
'problems.'

When we are in the midst of a problem, it seems there's no end  in
sight, and our crazy thinking tells us there is no desirable end in sight.
Then more bad things occur, we see a pattern, assume it's proof,
and continue deeper into depression. That whole sense of isolation

have the chance to find out how common our feelings are.


into play. We worry more about image than we do actual health and
welfare, and people are dying as a result.

We feel alone because we see no one else going through what we are
going through.
We feel neglected because those who supposedly care
about us don't see our pain...don't ask what they can do.
We feel under attack, dismissed, forgotten about, abandoned, mistreated,
and without resources or options.
This is what happens when we separate from one another as people.
And people do avoid us when we are in pain; the sight of another
person hurting and flailing is extremely upsetting to others, and they
may flee in confusion over what to do and discomfort.

What if we all took a deep breath and said; "I know I can't be the only
one feeling this low." How about I go into the world today with the
understanding that everybody is hurting. No matter how big their smile,
no matter how much shit they talk, no matter how mean and unconcerned
with others, let me remember that at the root of that is pain. That we all
feel disconnected and alone and hurt. That we all just want to be loved.

As we go along, maybe we'll actually see behind the plastic smiles and
the barrier of luxury and smugness to the heart of things. That people
are all basically the same, no matter how differently they express it.
Maybe the common bond would be enough to diffuse our pain, and
put our troubles in perspective. Maybe talking to someone else and
listening to their trials without being in competition to top them would
remind us that we aren't alone in a vacuum.

 Maybe if we tried reaching out, or reading up on depression, or asking
questions that aren't popular, we might find some relief. Or a kindred
spirit. We might find an online support group, or a phone number to
call, or a doctor that would not overlook our worries. Maybe if we
get honest about just how much we hurt, it would be a step towards
letting others know it's okay to be real and honest.

It may be our only chance for surviving. Even the best swimmers need
help when they're drowning. The tides of life overtake all of us on
occasion; don't let someone's demeanor convince you otherwise.
You are not alone.

blessings..by THROB

Inherent in every sideways occurrence on this mud ball, 

there lies a blessing.

The lesson might simply be a hard-won fact of life, such as:

"You can't get something for nothing." or

"If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." or

"There's a pattern here that I did not realize before."

But something can always come from any situation, 

no matter how bitter the taste

or how humiliating the loss of face.

To understand--as never before--how fully we must 

rely on no outside means

for sustenance...this is a blessing.

I had lost--excuse me...given away--my Mojo.

I had departed from my self confidence.

I put faith in intangibles and empty promises.

I was concerned about the welfare of others more than my own.

I became distracted by an ideal that is not realistic nor healthy.

I let someone else dictate what my course of action 'should' be.

The burden is, as always, squarely on my shoulders.

My ignorance and softness and naivete' gave way to powerlessness 

and despair.

Action and decisiveness was overcome by talking and sharing.

I imagined a concern for my welfare that never was hinted at; 

only a desire to regulate my thinking to match another's. 

(Brain-washing efforts are tricky; when the techniques and 

dogma varies, you forget that it's all the same under 

the hood.)

But I'm back in the saddle again; stronger than before.

Resolute. Fearless. Courageous. Indomitable.

Ready for mine; and Universe provide for any who stand 

in my way.

I needed to be squashed one final time for the message to be 

driven home.

Now there is no sadness that exists here; anger and numbness 

fills its place.

I've been blessed with a new perspective...a new lease on life.

Thanks for sharing.

Nostradamus

To be tolerated and endured
rather than celebrated and embraced

To exist and keep afloat
rather than attain and achieve

To scramble and long and strive
but never accomplish or thrive

To be casual and superficial
but never truly know another

To speak and write and display
and yet never be really understood

To cause more pain and conflict
than I could ever hope to offset

These are my current blessings
and I can't imagine the future differently