When I actually look.....

Suddenly I looked around--and within-- to
see that I had, in defensiveness, judged too
severely.

Of course the behavior I had allowed to provoke
me was not correct. But as I stopped to notice
what must be behind all the criticism, the need
to have the approval of others at all costs, the
unconscious seeking of conflict and confrontation....
it became clear only a pained mind and spirit
would drive such a person.

As I saw past my own pain and story, I found
I could have compassion that other people have
their own pain and story, often with the same
less than stellar outer representations in their
current life. "Don't believe the hype."

All the things we consider 'character defects' in
others, are not ours to evaluate. Don't I give a
free pass for my own issues knowing the hurt and
cause behind it? Don't I imagine others should
cut me slack for the things I have endured?
Why, then, can I not apply the same to another?

I get caught in the immediacy of being annoyed by
bossiness, or offended by attempts to control...
I scoff at easily wounded hypersensitivity, and
shake my head about the constant striving for
popularity. I shrug a superior nod at the notion of
how easily traceable the roots of OCD and
devotion to image. But who am I to judge?

There's a real and hurting soul behind every
facade and every label; a story behind every
human face.

I need not allow myself hurt or drawn into the
web of someone else's patterns any longer, but
I can withdraw in a loving way. I need not guard
myself with a hard hand or cold heart.

Let's stop the cycle of contempt, here and now.

***********************************

Double Standards

We seem to rarely see ourselves as we truly are.
 It's impossible, of course, even with the highest
interest in naval-gazing. We always hold a blind
spot in regards to self. We can never be unaware
of our emotional state and our own illusions, so
that is how we see.

Until our perspective changes.

Maybe we notice that we treat a specific person
in our lives--or a specific type of person, or a
group of people--in a manner that is better or
worse than we treat the average person.

Maybe there's a bit of shaming involved in our
dealings with the people who remind us of our
a deadbeat parent. Perhaps we judge someone's
ambitions against their accomplishments. Could
be we evaluate someone based on their actions,
lack of actions, intelligence, or pretty much anything.

Sometimes we discover that the things we hate
so deeply in others are the things we also hate in
ourselves. Recognizing the difference in our thoughts
and behaviors related to others can start the process
of considering the 'why' and 'wherefore.'

We may not like that the finger points back to us.

Find ourselves obsessing over someone being too
judgmental, yet we condemn everything they say or do?

Shake our heads in disgust when someone does things
that we have also done in our life?

Or maybe we hate another because of the similarities
we wish to avoid.

A coworker has a passion for art and we don't feel
talented enough or free enough to pursue the dream
they are going after. We shoot them down.

The more familiar a thing is, the more contempt we
hold in our hearts. If you find yourself truly irritated by
the character of another...perhaps investigate what's
inside instead of looking at their side of the street.