Redneck Strategy

"Shore 'nuff;

If I jus' keep

smiling and charming

the whole time

I'm lying through my teefs

and talking shit,

it makes you

as stupid as I am!

Damn I'm smooth!

Hee-yuck...Suckers!"

***

The Ties That Bind, Gag, Hold Ransom, and Torture

My mother and I are not special in that we have a very strained
and unusual parent-child relationship. We are more like siblings;
siblings who can't stand one another and yet have business
dealings. It's toxic, unhealthy, unrewarding, and disastrous.
And yet, like all good Southern boys, I don't sever the bond entirely.

At the doctor's office the other day, there was an instructional
video playing in the waiting room. A very perky announcer was
telling how one of the greatest problems leading to stress was lack
of familial relationships. It's possible I may have blurted out that
"Family connection is precisely what had stressed me to begin with."
Or perhaps the other waiters were just looking my way casually.

When people ask about plans for the holidays, and I answer that
I'll be staying to myself like always, they look shocked and dismayed.
"Don't you want to spend time with family?" they crone!
"Why would I want to ruin a perfectly good day?" I shoot back.

They say "You can't choose family," to which I reply "No shit, Sherlock!"
Cuz there would for damned sure be a continuous line at the returns
counter if you could exchange these sorry bastards.

And yet, also like all goofy redneck sons-of-bitches, I can talk shit
about the crazy 'ho all live long day, but I'll not tolerate anyone else
being a dick to her. I'd cut and bury anyone who tried to hurt her.
I've earned my battle scars and the right to talk shit about her; no one
else has.

I occasionally get some sorry moralizing mealy-mouth who wants
to wax empathetic about 'dear old Mom' and tell me that I "shouldn't"
think or speak of her the way I do. To which I say, respect due,
"Go fuck yourselves." I'm happy they ate their obedient-robot
Wheaties, but I give tit for tat. Respect is earned, not a given.
Don't start none, won't be none.

No one has done more to actively and intentionally cause pain in
my life than Mommy Dearest. That's not some childish rambling nor
an exaggeration; she's a crazy, mean-spirited, controlling,
soul-sucking, manipulative personality. That others don't believe
it true or that it doesn't mirror their own parent-child relationship
has no bearing on my reality in the least.

Why do people stay enmeshed with such dubious links?
Is it a constant fantasy that one day things will magically change?
Or perhaps a hopeful desire that we'll be present when disaster
strikes so we can witness it first hand?

Either way, it's a given that the ties that bind tend to strangle
and limit more than they support and uplift. But the commonality
of that love-hate craziness at least give us all something to 
commiserate over!

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